Like, seriously. If I don’t stop having epic anxiety, I’m going to punch a baby. Augh. Too bad therapists cost money that I don’t have. Oh well. I think I’m doing pretty good on my own? Aside from lately, ffs. I’ve had like ten attacks this month alone. It gets old.

I got back into IM roleplaying with the BFF. It’s been fun and I can’t wait to continue. We’ve got lots of fun stuff in store, and knowing us there will be mass amounts of gore, rape, and everything ever that is horrible that we can fit in. It’s kind of a pattern with us. I love how our interests are so hivemind. 8D <3.

Lol, I kind of ditched the roleplay server before I even got settled in. I guess I’m a picky bitch, rofl. Oh well. RP servers were fun while they lasted.

Hurr. It feels nice to be paying more attention to my OCs. *wiggle* I guess I’m a happy camper.

From my poor, cluttered WIP folder.

Auuugh. I’m such a bundle of nerves lately. My phobias hit me at full force when I least expect it, and it’s so annoying. But other than the occasional slipup, I’m doing well. I really don’t know why I signed up for GC in Adopt-a-Color, rofl… So don’t wanna do pretend homework. I’m lazy. Ah well, not like I care much about points anyway;; I’ll just half-ass shit.

And you know what’s ironic? I spent all of summer complaining how I wish it were Fall already, because I hate the heat… And now that it is Fall? I’m so cold I wish it were Summer still. *sob* I can’t win.

Also. You know what’s interesting? Documentaries on the history of prostitution. Yeeep.

Lol, no art. But you get a screencap. Make sense out of it now, go.

I’ve been sick for the last four days. My nose could rival Rudolph’s, ow. I haven’t been doing much of anything aside from working on art trades and watching Soul Eater. Yeaaah, I lead an amazing life, don’t I? Rofl.

Things have been… Okay. Not great, but okay. Yaaay old issues.

Baaaaah. I guess life is good. Some pretty depressing things have happened and I have a newfound hatred for the media, but aside from that it hasn’t been so bad.

I joined a RO server a couple of my friends are on, and it’s been nice. The people are awesome and easy to get along with. :c Though I admit, I really, really miss when everyone was together. I miss my previous RO characters and all their character relationships, too. </3 Sigh. Maybe I’ll get to play them again one day. I feel like a loser for letting that of all things bum me out. Lol.

There’s not much to really say. It’s boring, I hardly see some of my friends anymore, and all that jazz. Lol. I give up complaining about having no friends in my town. That is never going to change, so I might as well get used to it. <<; Caitliiiiiin. Kaaaaarn. ;x; *paw*

FHgjkhkjskdshsjkhsgdfjh…

I’m sorry;;;

Did I mention I hate mosquitoes? Yeah, I hate fleas, too. Auuugh. Bad day, bad day — I hate you, Aunt Flow. I hate a lot of things today, it seems. Despite studying and trying to finish a book my cousin lended me, I’m still swamped with free time. It’s ridiculous, considering. There’s a lot of IRL things I could complain about, but I won’t. Nothing’s as bad as it could be — Yet. But people suck, guys. Remember that.

And I miss… Augh, nevermind. It doesn’t matter.

*stretch*

I hate mosquitoes. Seriously. I keep finding new bites on places I really don’t want them, wtf. ;__;… This is the price I pay for staying outdoors. Visited with my aunt’s church recently. I actually thought it was pretty nice, so I’m going back next Sunday, too. Want to be sure about moving my membership and all, lol. I know I’m 18 and how easy handling that is, but I’m still so nervous about bringing it up. Asdfjkl; >>; Oh well. People are nice. There’s some hope for humanity, yay. I think I’m finally gettin’ a life.

I’m not feeling completely positive though, rofl. A lot of bad shit happens and tries to rain on my parade when I’m happy, and this time is noooo exception. >>; But I won’t get into that. Though there’s one minor thing that gets on my nerves, and I just have to let it out. :/;; If you don’t want to talk to me, then uh, don’t say anything at all? It’s that easy? I feel so uninteresting and nervous I said something stupid when conversations go dead silent, rofl. I hate it. If I want to waste my time talking to something that doesn’t reply, I’ll talk to the wall kthx. Aaah. I’m going to go delete half of my buddylist now. I don’t even know most of these people. And this may be my grouchiness talking, but I probably don’t want to. P.S. this has nothing to do with any kind of rant, but my BFF is a whore 8D Needed to add that somewhere.
And did I mention…

I HATE MOSQUITOES?

ASDFJKL; D8<

I love you losers. ♥

And I won’t ever stop. So there.

Kind of sad, kind of happy. It’s a mix. I went bike riding for the first time in a long while, and it was really fun. Zooming down the street and feeling the wind in my hair was the best thing ever. DI Though, my rear is kind of sore from it. *wiggles in chair* Kinda feel like I have more freedom. We’ll see how long that lasts, but for now it’s a good thing. And that “dream” of taking the GED might be becoming a reality soon enough. I can only hope. :c; I could finally go to college and stop feeling like a failure at life!

So tired of being ronery, guys. ;x;… Is it April yet? CAN IT BE?

I want a break from online so so so much.  So much. With Eos dead, I really don’t have any place to use the characters I want. I feel deprived. And I get super pissed off when everything is quiet and people seem to be ignoring me, or something. I just get so… frustrated with everything. A break would fix that if I can just find something exciting to do. But no, if I took a break now, all I’d have is the ceiling to keep me company. I want to go on a vacation or something and ditch this piece of machinery, aaah. I love everyone to bits, but I’m tired of this machine being, quite literally, all I have. It’s sad. Rofl.

Maybe happiness is just around the corner. Who knows? <3

Taking a break from MB so I don’t have to deal with Adopt-a-Color right now. Maybe I’ll have my motivation back by the end of the week, who knows? Though you know, it figures I’d get the urge to leave right when I said I wouldn’t, ever. It just hit me the next day. Lol. I enjoyed it for a short while, but now my feelings are mixed. There seems to be a clique of popular peeps and no one else matters, which just… irritates me. Doesn’t affect me directly or anything, but it still irritates me. Just doesn’t feel worth it, except for maybe like… three people. Ah well. I’ll get my motivation back and charge into conversations with lesser-known colors D<! Raah. Plus I need some serious RP fixes. Fuck, I miss my hobby.
Been drawing a lot lately and focusing on my story OCs. I actually got the urge to start writing it earlier today, but I was busy doing other things. Maybe I will sometime in the near future, though; being a writer is one of those things I’ve always wanted. I just want to complete a novel, if only for myself and close friends. ;; Art is in second for me. Though I’m going to be super honest and say all those rewards I used to get for my creativity were a serious confidence booster. Now that I don’t get that praise and encouragement anymore? Yeah. Super hesitant to show people anything. Just… need that extra boost of confidence…; *waves flag* To clarify — I enjoy what I do, but I just want to feel like I’m actually good at it. I don’t do it just for praise n’ shiz. Don’t want anyone who reads this to think I’m a horrible person. <____<;

Oh! I got in touch with an old friend recently. That’s one thing that makes me happy. But… I really do miss Slash and Morgan. Some things make me feel like such an idiot.

…

I’m going to stop rambling now. :c;;;

Watched Paprika; it was a really awesome movie. Like, this amazing creative trip that was so much fun to watch. Makes me wonder why I didn’t see it sooner, lol.

Things could really be better IRL, but eh. Who am I to be bitching? At least I have clothes on my back and a roof over my head. –; Feeling shitty sucks. And just… aughakjhlkjfh.

And maybe I should have more faith in people. I just can’t stop myself from assuming the worst. No wonder I feel dropped and second rate all the time. Jeeez. *head/table* Here’s to hoping things work themselves out for the better. I could use a not-so-pathetic existence. Fuck yeah I sound like an emo. But I’m not, I swear.
Maybe when Aunt Flow has me writhing in pain, I’ll at least concentrate on other things.